this is the year i've had the most heartaches. and to think that i dreamt 2005 would be my year. i had envisioned that by april 16, 2005, a thousand days since i've met mr. psychic vampire, i would be freed from his bite. yet i guess it wasn't meant to be. this christmas break, i was FINALLY able to come into terms with what happened. and yes..i have somehow been scarred for life. however, when i saw him two days ago, it wasn't the same. sure, he was with a new girl yet my heart did not constrict in pain as i imagined it to do. i was able to laugh with them, to smile at her. and not once did i wish to be the girl he was with that night.
at long last, i can bid goodbye to him. yes his bite has created a scar that will last a lifetime. but then, i can finally look him in the eye, and genuinely tell him, "i'm happy for you."
despite the fact that HE doesn't affect me anymore, i've got two new problems to deal with. first of which is the fact that i am unable to notice straight guys when gay men are around. in relation to this i have become addicted to pain. because i am no longer able to like any other guys unless they are homosexual, i have opened myself to relentless opportunities that will cause me heartache. after all, i will always be subjected to the pain of unrequited love since i have chosen to love men who love other men. now, i need higher doses of "ouch" in order to affect me.
look..i'm giving myself away here. ayos lang na masaktan. basta ikaw.
