things are back to normal..or so i wish to think. at least i am able to prevent myself from barfing whenever that incident is mentioned. but then again, i wasn't able to get out of the situation unscathed. seems like i lost a friend in the process. *sigh* what people give up for their prides..i don't know.

onto the prince..well, he's unavailable to me right now..and he will be 'til the 2nd. so i guess i'll be missing him..

i'm going out of town..finally. what a waste of a sembreak. *sigh*
going to guinayangan on sunday..and puerto with the tianx on thursday.

i'm bored. and down. for what reason, i can't really explain. must be the weather. smile ka na lang aiks..

1:16 PM;

anong balita sa'yo aiks?
wala naman..

mula nang nanggaling ako sa bahay nina kring, tulad ni orly ay may nagawa na rin akong resolution. mula ngayon ay kakayanin kong mabuhay mag-isa. ayoko na mangailangan ng advice..o nang taong makikinig sa mga monologue ko tungkol sa mga walang kwentang isyu ng buhay ko. mula ngayon, movie marathon ang kasagutan ng boredom. at pagdating ng pasukan, kareeran na ito. kelangan ko ng uno average. haha..asa pa. pero hindi nga. ayoko na mainvolve sa mga tao. (ows? talaga? aiks..kaya mo ba?) mahirap..oo. ako pa naman ay isang social person. pero kahit na. retreatism muna. siguro naman..hindi na ako masasaktan.

teka..mamaya naman, i am merely avoiding confrontation? haha..ewan. un na nga ata un. o basta..ewan. haha.

6:52 PM;

mahirap magsalita nang tapos..kaya please take note na ang mga pinagsususulat ko dito ay pawang mga reaksyon at damdamin sa eksaktong oras ng pangyayari..

sa ngayon, masaya ako. hindi naman pala sawi si ariel. bago siya maging seafoam ay sinagip siya ng kanyang prinsipe. balik sa dati ang lahat. o hindi ba mas masaya pa?

nagpapasalamat ako. sa lahat lahat ng sakit at luha at pagmuukmok na naramdaman ko. dahil sa mga bagay na iyon, mas natututo akong magmahal..at magbigay. wag ka mag-alala. kahit ano pang mangyari, dito lang ako. hangga't kailangan mo. :)

masaya lang kami

10:13 AM;

handa ka bang magparaya para sa taong mahal na mahal mo? kaya mo bang pakawalan ang taong pinakamamahal mo upang maghanap ng pagmamahal sa piling ng iba, specifically kaibigan mo? kaya mo ba siyang tulungan sa kaibigan mo kahit na madudurog sa proseso ang puso mo? kaya mo bang kalimutan ang iyong sariling kapakanan para sa ikasasaya niya? hanggang saan mo ba kayang ibigay ang buong pagkatao mo para sa kanya?

ako nga naman talaga si ariel. kaso never ako naging prinsesa ng prince eric ko. dahil kahit na ibinigay ko na ang lahat ng pride at kahihiyan ko para sa mga paang pwedeng gamitin para mapalapit sa kanya, hindi parin niya ako minahal. ay..hindi pala. minahal niya ako. bilang kapatid nga lang. kung kaya't nagpakasal siya sa iba at ako'y naging seafoam na lamang. haaay..ang saya. sa totoong buhay, walang disney. kaya hindi nagiging prinsesa ang mga hamak na sirena.

mahal kita..kaya kapalit ng buhay mo o ang pagbalik ko sa pagiging sirena, pinili ko na lang maging seafoam. atleast masaya ka kapiling ang prinsesa mo. at ako..kahit naglaho na lang ako sa buhay mo, napatunayan ko sa sarili ko at sa mundo na mahal talaga kita. kahit ikaw..hindi mo nadama.

2:08 AM;

at akala ko namang masaya na kami at hinding-hindi na niya ako paiiyakin muli. how totally naive..o baka tanga lang talaga ako? o kaya bulag..ay hindi..worst. nagbulag-bulagan. mahirap talaga harapin ang realidad. mapait. masaklap.

maiintindihan ko naman kung may gusto siyang iba. ay duh??? obviously..as if naman magugustuhan niya ako ever. pero the fact na kaibigan ko. tapos may supposed "thing" o kung ano man sa pagitan namin at nung gusto niya noon. shet. malala na ata ang sitwasyon.

pero hindi..it gets worst. ibinuhos ko ang lahat ng frustrations ko sa best friend ko. only to find out na ang nag-iisang bagay na may pakelam siya ay kung gusto rin ba nung kaibigan namin ung mahal ko. pucha naman. nakakagago na. pati best friend ko. nag-iisang taong nandiyan nung iniwan ako sa ere ng mahal ko. pinagpalit ako. para sa kaibigan ko rin.

ay ang saya. baliw na ang mundo. o ako lang? pero tang ina..kung ganito lang ba ang mundo, ayoko na dito. hahanap na lang ako ng ibang mundo. na hindi na ako masasaktan ng mga taong pinapahalagahan ko nang ganito.

10:32 PM;

so much has been going on..i haven't been able to update this blog in awhile. was too busy ranting on my friendster blog. suddenly though, i have lost ALL interest in friendster. it's not coz of my so-called "admirers" although their messages DID scare me somewhat. it's actually because of HIM. and me. and aika's stupidity, yet again. but then, i am getting far too much ahead with my story. what has happened so far?

well..after all the drama..you'd think everything would FINALLY be ok. but then, it seems HINDI talaga pwedeng ok lang. it seems conflict is SO necessary in our "relationship" or whatever it is you could call it..connection, maybe? so what am i blabbing about anyway?



september 23, 2005
this was actually my parent's anniversary..dad wasn't home though. headed to upm in "pink-pacute-porma".:P for the first part of my stay though, my efforts went highly unappreciated. i ended up clinging to alphius while HE decided to get all kilig coz his prof-crush was around. *sigh*

he made up for it though. i guess. although maybe he did it out of guilt. but then, for whatever reason, he was really able to make me feel better. but then, jealousy got the better of me..and him? (or wala lang siya mahirit?) any case, LQ? oh well..i did go back to diliman with a giddy, wistful smile on my face. so even after all that drama that day, i somehow didn't wind up in tears.

tulog effects namin ni alphius


bago sumibat puntang diliman


september 28, 2005
this was another story though. it started with kerry and i having our usual fun. who'd have thought he'd get so inis that he won't talk to me the whole day? i even skipped our last socio 10 meeting with randy david to hang out with them. but what do i get in return? snubbed efforts to start a conversation and unreturned hugs. i was so sad and frustrated, i wound up crying in rob manila no less. and when we did talk later on that night, it was just so tense and forced, it made me even more sad. after this, i vowed i would think of him as a friend. that's it. so that maybe i wouldn't end up in tears every single time i go to upm.

as an afterthought, i visited upm that day to be sure of my feelings for him. so that i'd know whether whatever kilig i was feeling over a certain amphibian was true or just a result of my unrequited love for him. who'd have thought my feelings would get even more muddled than they already were?


october 3, 2005
we didn't see each other this day but this was our first conversation after the blowup that wednesday. this was also the night every single one of my so-called "admirers" (ngek!) were texting me. if they only knew i was only replying because i was talking to him. and if i wasn't, i'd be answering my socio 11 final exam.

it's all too weird though. i still haven't changed. until now, i will drop everything for that one special guy. no matter if i might end up cramming. (although cramming is one of my perfected skills and maybe late night conversations do wonders for my grades)

the highlight of our whole conversation was after minutes of wala lang kwento..he interrupted me and told he missed me. *jump jump* (and maybe i would've..if kuya mel and ate ayen weren't around to witness my utmost giddiness) the lowlight of the conversation however is that aika basically confirmed that the one he was crushing on might be crushing on him too. stupid. shot through the heart with the same arrow i fired. tsk tsk. so after this night, i have learned to despise friendster. and i would NEVER again look for possible "partners" coz i might end up not only jealous but be with an actual reason to be jealous over. grrr..ayoko na!


october 8, 2005
the happiest day since that fateful crying scene that september 5 was cut short by kuya's kasungitan. grrr..oh well. everything was still perfect. he was him, only a million times better. i mean i love him just as he is. even with all the kasungitan and the mood swings and stuff, i love him, the whole of him. but that saturday, he showed me that the perfect guy actually exists. in him. he was just so sweet, so attentive, so caring, so THERE. i just can't fully describe my happiness that day.

it all sounds so wonderful. so perfect. so real. but what if it was just a fluke? what then? can my heart possibly take another tear-filled ending to a upm visit?

pacute namin ni kerry


remembrance? haha..:P


october 11, 2005
i honestly thought at the beginning that i was just fooling myself last saturday. i thought i just conjured every single wonderful image. yet, he made up for it afterwards. even if this time he wasn't that perfect, i loved him even more. because this time, i am assured this is real. and that he is making an extreme effort so i would never cry anymore.

2:02 AM;