in a small, hesitant voice, i blurted out the statement that made me so vulnerable. "nahanap ko na sa kanya ang lahat." i never would have imagined whatever it is between us to end up this way. i was shocked when i realized what i just said. horrified even, as andrew and i continued talking. pero really, truly, honestly, i found every single thing i ever admired and loved about my guy friends in him.

he possessed:
1.andrew's listening skills as well as his "being there".
2.alphius' sweetness and touching concern.
3.orly's kakulitan, humor and frankness.
and believe it or not, i found in him..
4.kevin's special "something".

as an afterthought, i realized he didn't have kirstoff's tigas-ness. but then again, "who REALLY needs tigas?", as andrew did say.

i'm scared, frightened beyond words. everything is happening too fast, too intensely, too soon. i am rising to the top in break-neck speed. but what if my gas tank hits empty? i can't crash back down to the ground. that would be devastating. i would simply die. because it would feel like i lost not only one friend but four. not just a best friend but the only person who ever understood and accepted me as just plain old aika.

10:05 PM;