seeing his blog made me cry. literally cry. and up to now while i'm writing this, i'm still crying. ok..what's wrong with me? well probably coz no matter what i do, it seems like i can never be good enough for him. liking him is killing whatever is left of my ego. and yes..my sanity is fading away to non-existence.
i thought dennis was the only almost impossible reality i'd meet in this world. then i just had to stubbornly pick UP manila as my first choice school. then i just had to pick that course that doesn't seem right for me at all. then i just had to go to that so-called concert. (yes enya..you were worth it and so much more..everything else that happened is another story.) then i just had to take that stupid stroll.
now i'm back to feeling like crap. just like when i was in over my head for dennis. at this point, it's useless to hope. for hoping just constantly brings pain. and i don't want to hurt. i don't want to feel. i just want to be oblivious to my misery.
maybe it is pointless to continue feeling this way. maybe there are people out there far more worthy of my tears. or atleast, they make themselves to be. maybe i should learn to appreciate epal guys. maybe i should be thankful that although he's sprained, he rushed after me. and maybe corny, fashionably-challenged guys might just be my destiny..
if they aren't..i'm shifting. new horizons, here i come.
