If only it were that easy to ask the person you 'love' about his sexual preferences..
What if you 'love' this guy but you have suspicions regarding his sexuality? What if you hear and find out so many things regarding his past and present(?) with the same sex? What if you know in your heart that he really is bi and you swore you'd never fall for another one but at this point you're falling hard and fast for him? What if there's a part of you convinced that he's just being nice to you because he knows you admire him? What if he really is just this nice to all his admirers? What if you know you have an almost zero percent chance with him? What if you found out that he probably could like you if he wasn't into guys right now? What if you learned that even if he were into girls he still wouldn't go for you? What if you are just giving yourself false hopes? What if you are just assuming too many things about him? What if you're convinced that you do 'love' him? What do you do when the whole world is against your 'love' for him?
If only someone would answer these questions for me..
I guess I love him..
It's just that I have this phobia regarding relationships with bisexual men. My last relationship ended in a bust. Well, he had real problems with himself and it seemed like he was just using me to appear straight. I don't want to get involved with a person who has a lot of issues with himself. And more so, I don't ever want to feel that devastation of being replaced..for a guy. THAT hurt. TOTALLY.
Aside from these issues or bias or whatever regarding bisexual males..It's not as if I have this great chance with him. Come to think of it, I haven't heard about any girl from him. I should feel flattered coz he is taking the time to be nice to me. But then again, what if that's just it. He's just being nice and he's just being this way out of pity.
If only I could be "every little thing you wanted"..
I cannot expect anything from you.
I cannot hope that you would reciprocate whatever I'm feeling for you coz that would be selfish.
I can just love you from afar and hope that the world would allow me to do this. Silently, on my own.
Ok..this has NOTHING to do with HIM. Anyway, my mom and I were talking about my bro and this girl he used to like. I began singing, "Muling ibalik ang tamis ng pag-ibig.." Then we had this conversation.
My Mom: "Theme song mo rin yan eh.."
Aika: "Huh??? Kanino?"
My Mom: "Dun sa isa..ung taga-UST rin.."(with a teasing smile on her face)
The HELL!!! Please. I have long told myself I was over him. So Ma, please, get over him too. He will NEVER EVER be your son-in-law.
I'm sorry but I will not go back to that pathetic state of wanting him even if he's happily attached. YUCK. I'm glad I passed UP. We're not meant to be. Thank GOD for that. I hope my mom would stop her fantasies regarding that guy. It's just plain irritating. Erk. Hearing about it from her..I wanted to scream.
Stop Aika. Think happy thoughts..
